Self Doubt

Dear Baby,

I've had a series of dreams lately and they all seem to surround one main topic - self doubt. I've had dreams where I couldn't protect you and your mom. I've had dreams where we didn't have enough money for our house....you get the idea. I think that it all comes back to this whole concept of being able to support you coming into our family.

With my job right now, income can be sporadic. While that will eventually change, for now it is a reality. We are doing ok with just the two of us and I am sure we will be alright when you come along, but there is always that little bit of self doubt in my mind. If you are like me, you will have all of the "What if" scenarios playing out in your head all the time and that can mess with you! With the roles that your mom and I have carved out for ourselves in our marriage, I am going to be the one that is bringing in the money into our home. It was scary to think of supporting your mom and I, and even scarier now to think of having someone else who is going to be dependent on me to get the job done.

From the experiences that I have had in my life, I can tell you that when you have self-doubt, you can't let it hold you back. You are going to have self doubt about so many changes in your life. It could be starting school, meeting friends, starting dating, choosing a career, choosing someone to marry...the list goes on. When you aren't sure if you are going to be able to do something, embrace the challenge. Take a look at what lies before you and think about the positive ways that the change is going to affect your life, and then go out and get the job done. It won't necessarily be easy, but it's the effort that you put into things that makes you appreciate them.

You are my next great challenge. I have to take a baby and help it to grow and learn how to become a good person. I can't imagine anything that will be more difficult to do in my life. It is going to take years of my commitment to see you through the ups and downs of your life and mine to make sure that you come out on the other side as a successful adult. But you know what? I embrace the challenge. I'm committed to the cause and I know that every ounce of effort that I put into helping you grow is going to be returned ten-fold with appreciation for who you will become.

Have a good sleep.

Love, Dad.